Now I Know Why Children Cry When They Drop Their Ice Cream On the Ground

Man, I haven't been to Smoothie King since December. Mind you, it's not that I haven't tried, but they apparently keep banker's hours here in Oxford. Not to mention it's been cold as balls lately. Anyway, I finally get the chance and order a large (40 oz.) Power Punch Plus with the joint and tissue repair enhancer.

I was talking to my dad on the phone during the car ride home and had only one hand to get my stuff out of my car. So I reach out/up and put the smoothie on top of my vehicle. I grabbed my wallet, keys, straw wrapper, copy of Breaking Dawn and got out of the car. When I stepped out of the vehicle my man-girth shifted it enough to send the smoothie raining down on me and the ground. I was stunned like I had just been shot and watched as the sweet, delicious nectar spilled onto the pavement.

"MOFO!" I exclaimed, "I just dropped my smoothie!"

R.C. replied, "awe man, I feel responsible."

And it struck me like a punch to the urethral sphincter, "THAT'S MY ICE CREAM!"

If the sales lady at the open house next to ours hadn't been out there on her smoke break, I don't know that I could have choked back my emotions. I probably would have cried like a little kid who over-zealously licked his double scoop of mint chocolate chip sending it to its fiery death on the volcanic asphalt.

So, next time I see a tot commit such lacticide, I won't say, "don't worry little buddy, it's just ice cream." I'll tell him, "I know buddy, I know it hurts. It's okay to cry. Cry away."