11 - 5? Sorry, Not Good Enough

When I woke up yesterday morning doing my routine--um, self-inspection--I asked myself, "what's worse than two zits on your butt crack?" I would soon find out.

Now, for those who might venture a guess like, "three zits on your butt crack?" You are retarded. And not funny. Others, who know me well might say, "oh, I know. Tom Brady and Ali tearing their ACL's in the same year?" Only partial credit. What's actually worse than two carbuncles in my man cleavage is losing TFB to an ACL tear and still flirting with the playoffs with a mad respectable record, yet failing to make the postseason.

Did some research today and only 1 team in NFL history has gone 11 - 5 and not made the playoffs. However, the league only switched to a 16 game regular season format in 1978. The 1967 Baltimore Colts have the best record ever that did not make the playoffs at 11 - 1 -2.

So, the Pats were 11 - 5 and didn't make the playoffs. However, they didn't win their division (the only guarantee to make it to the post-season), so I'll buy into the argument that the NFL playoff system is fair (and utterly eons ahead of the BCS debacle that impugns its most unholy outcomes on NCAA football).

For me, it all ended in the first 7 minutes of Week 1 anyway when Boy Dreamy #12 went down. Kudos to Cassel and Bill Beeeelichick for surprising us all and making it interesting. I mean, how many teams have lost the greatest player in the history of the league in Week 1 and still put together a .6875 win percentage ? The answer may surprise you here.

And now a message from Fitzy way back in Week 2.

Nipple-Hair Mustache

Yeah, it's every bit as awesome it sounds. Go here.

Japanese Website Tracks Stinky Areas Using Google Maps (?)

Link here. Really?

Those Japanese sure are an interesting technology-based culture. I sometimes wonder if entire nations that are around for a long time eventually "jump the shark" (See generally France ). I lived with a Japanese guy for a few months in undergrad and he was one of the most kick-ass people I've ever met, but he came to the U.S. to study because he was so enamored with our culture and said that his was lame. I think it's too early to tell with Japan (an old-ass country that's gone and come back again) beings that we bombed the ever living hell out of them just over half a century ago, but they're on the watch list.

Notable nations that have jumped the shark:

1. Rome
2. Persia
3. Greece
4. The Oakland Raiders

So, my advice is this: watch out countries you might become parodies of yourself. I mean, could you imagine a place like the United States -- a country made great because it was built upon freedom and individual liberty -- slowly acquiescing to regulatory intrusion in the marketplace and our social lives? Ha ha, that's funny. I mean, what a tragi-comedy that would be (See Bailout, Proposition 8).

Embedding Now the Latest Emo Craze

Okay, this is ridiculous. What the hell is wrong with people?

Funny line from the report, "Embedding offers a measure of comfort." Really, from what? Your lavish suburban lifestyles?

That's it, my kids are gonna be home-schooled and not allowed to watch t.v. Remember when the home-schooled kids were the socially awkward ones? Well now it's the other way around. Public school kids are getting all messed up in the head, while home school kids are winning the Heisman.

Who would you rather be the manifestation of your genetic material?



or this kid?

In Lew of Studying for Law & Economics

I'm reading awesome stuff like this and I'm going to see a friends puppies.

Who needs a job in this economy? I'm gonna ride it out 'til the prospects come up.

Sorry Tide, Nothing Gets Gator Teeth Out

Real quick so I can post before the game starts today. Just read this this morning:

"The Gators' first-team defense has not allowed a touchdown in five of its last six games, and they've returned five interceptions for touchdowns this season."

I'm on the jeanshorts-wearin', mullet-sportin' bandwagon today. We all know Bama will be able to slow the Florida offense down for a little while, but how in the hell are they gonna score against Florida's defense? The Gators have every bit as much speed on that side of the ball as well as on special teams.

Play is always sloppy in the SEC when two good teams collide. There's gonna be 5 - 7 turnovers today. Florida is gonna take advantage of them big time, while the Tide will convert only Field Goals at best.

The Tide is effed today even without Percy Harvin torching them for 100+ all-purpose yards. I'm taking Florida to beat the 10-point spread.

Florida 34

Bama 20

This guy loves it:

BCS Declares Germany Winner of World War II

Not sure of the source here, but a funny e-mail I received. Does anybody like this system? Oh, wait, the folks making gobs of money off it. Silly me.

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BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II
US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."
Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

NegBurns

Apparently there's a "fashion" trend we're all missing out on.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #65

You can write a research paper for months or wait until the last minute; either way, you will have that "break-through-epiphany" when it's too late to do anything about it. So, you suck it up and turn in the P.O.S. that is your paper. All the while, hoping you didn't pick a salient thesis so your prof. barely reads it and doesn't notice the gaping hole that the epiphany would have filled seamlessly.

Atlas Shrugged Revisited

Anyone that's read Atlas Shrugged will probably appreciate this post. It's an update for today's financial climate.

Favorite line: "She appeared casual but confident, a slim body with rounded shoulders like an exquisitely engineered truss."

Man, that's what I could really go for, a woman built like an exquisitely engineered truss!

Posner on the Future of "Conservatism"

Interesting post from Judge Posner on the future of conservatism. Alex's post in the comments aligns with my views on the subject of economic deregulation.