Immutable Rule of the Universe #51

Bringing the laptop into the bathroom will result in your legs/feet falling asleep.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #200

Facebooking and other ancillary/superfluous internet activity increases geometrically as time til finals approaches zero.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #581

You will lose your ChapStick before you've used it all.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #492

Why is it that if you put a sock in the washing machine, it will inevitably come out inside out? But if you put the sock in the washing machine inside out, it will still come out inside out?

In mathematical terms:

f (sock, washing machine) = 1/sock

f (1/sock, washing machine) = 1/sock

I hate this almost as much as the little pools of water that sit on top of plastic cups when you pull them out of the dishwasher.

This is probably the most vexing problem of our generation.

Any suggestions faithful readers?

Immutable Rule of the Universe #107

Every time Jaws comes on t.v. I cannot not watch it.

Subsection (a): Whilst watching, I daydream and aspire to be nothing more than a drunken New England fisherman.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #6

People that are fat and/or lazy always seem to feel the need to establish that he/she is more enlightened than you with respect to fitness and exercise.

What do I say? The proof is in the pudge.

Update: A new study out last summer shows that running slows the aging process.

Pointer here from Dean Karnazes.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #65

You can write a research paper for months or wait until the last minute; either way, you will have that "break-through-epiphany" when it's too late to do anything about it. So, you suck it up and turn in the P.O.S. that is your paper. All the while, hoping you didn't pick a salient thesis so your prof. barely reads it and doesn't notice the gaping hole that the epiphany would have filled seamlessly.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #42

Drinking only leads to good things...except when it doesn't.

Immutable Rule of the Universe #384

Itchy assholes and volleyball do not mix.